Saturday, 26 July 2008

• The Josiah Chronicles

  Over the last couple of days I have been battling sinful emotions and guilt.  Guilt over ever having Josiah Vaccinated. Sinful emotions in doubting God's sovereignty and work in our lives. Just thinking why can't God cure Josiah miraculously. Why isn't this cure happening so fast. My faith has been tested...and I'm overwhelmed with the amount of research associated with  Autism.

  I needed to type this for God's glory and for an everlasting reminder of His goodness to our family.

  Josiah was conceived after 3.5 years of marriage. At a point where  I was  seriously doubting if we were ever going to be blessed with the gift of the womb. It was nothing short of a miracle to see that positive test!!

  After a very long and hard labor, Josiah Calvin was delivered through a c-section. Both him and I had to be put on antibiotics as I ran a temperature whilst in labor. We both did very well, and Josiah latched on very quickly. Yet the next day, I noticed that he was overly shaky and very very cranky. Nothing I did would calm him down. Then I felt him and he was warm. He was taken immediately to the neonatal unit. It was very hard to have him away from me! He was tested for several things and they all came back normal. Many tearful prayers were said and the Lord indeed did answer. Josiah was in the unit for around 3 days,  and he was improving and his temp did settle and we had nursing all established and him and I moved into  in my room. It was a great delight to bring him back to me and I was just astonished looking at him and cherishing that we were together.

  The first few months of his life, he developed normally and was a very alert baby. People would often comment of how alert he was. Around 8 weeks, I thought I did the smart thing by having him vaccinated. Slight temperature after the first vaccine, but nothing too worrying. The month after, the second shots, again a bit of temp, but nothing that tylenol couldn't sort out.

  Then it happened: 4 days before Josiah turned four months, I noticed him doing the startle motion successively..I was a bit surprised as there wasn't any loud noise around. Over the next few days I noticed these startles coming back but this time he was suffering from severe reflux..He would be soaked with the vomit and those startles were getting really scary,  he looked like his whole being was spasming. By the end of the first week, I was very alarmed and thought it might be epilepsy. Spoke to some medical folks I knew but they said not to worry. Again, his reflux was really getting worse. Spoke to the Health Visitor and I told her I might be scared that it could be epilepsy, again she assured me not to worry. This lasted over 6 weeks, I was in torture as I had no idea what was going on..and I seemed to be the only one worrying crazy over this. I  went to my GP begging for an EEG..He agreed and said, " If the test comes normal are you sure you are not going to find something else to worry about?"..By that point Josiah's reflux was out of control, he didn't keep anything down and worse of all he was loosing weight. He had lost a  pound in four weeks, which immediately alerted the GP who sent me straight to the hospital . I was in a way relieved as I hoped we'd get to the bottom of this. When I saw those startles I called the nurse, who alarmed the doctors and an EEG was booked for that same day. At that point in time, my Josiah had turned from a happy smiley little baby, to a very cranky baby who hardly smiled, frowned and obsessively sucked his two fingers for comfort. I would look at the other babies who would be laughing and reacting with people, our wee man just wanted to be left alone sucking his wee fingers, and had a very sad/painful look on his face. The EEG confirmed my biggest fears: we were dealing with Infantile Spasms, a very rare form of epilepsy. Our whole world kind of clashed, we didn't know what to expect. I had been fearing this diagnosis and had been reading about it.. so in a way it wasn't a complete shocker, but a shock nonetheless. We went to see the neurologist, a very nice doctor, who started intensive treatment right away. The results were very quick, within a day or so the seizures stopped and the MRI came back normal. Such a relief...and so much praise to God. Those were really difficult times as Josiah was rarely smiling and so as if " in a fog" . He had lost all the skills he had learned. We had to have physical therapy and very slowly Josiah was progressing. I was so happy to have him off the steroids which were making him crabbier, but within two weeks of the treatment Josiah started smiling and laughing all over again. Something we had missed so much and couldn't get enough of. Our lives were lit up with those smiles and giggles.

  I did thank God for the successful treatment, yet I took it for granted that they weren't going to come back as I believed the meds were powerful . Sure enough, when Josiah was 10 mnths, I didn't want to believe my eyes when I saw those wee subtle startles back. My heart sank !! The doctors put him on Sabril this time round, which worked for a bit then the seizures would come back. The dose was increased many times to no avail So the steroids were once more used and again by God's grace, they stopped them. He was weaned of the steroids, but stayed on the Sabril for over 18 mnths. So now everyday we thank God for His goodness for stopping the seizures and no more meds.

  By the age of one Josiah was delayed physically but was saying "mama" and "baba"..but with the return of seizures these words ceased. He walked few days before his second birthday (few days after Judah was born) and his physical skills have been catching up ever since.

  Here I am crying and worrying how on earth we are going to deal with autism. It is  such a long process that's very overwhelming. And that's when I remembered the changes that the Lord had brought on Josiah since birth.

  At 5 months, Josiah had stopped smiling, babbling and was very subdued but  The Lord brought those  smiles and giggles  back. When I was overly worried about his walking, sure enough the Lord brought on that miracle. Socially, he was a very sweet toddler, he would always come to me for hugs and kisses, and loved attention, was very curious and loved to be tickled. But when I was in the hospital delivering Judah, Josiah came to see me but as if he hadn't missed me, he didn't pay too much attention to me. I was a bit puzzled as he was a very affectionate kid. But now, when I go to the toilet he throws a tantrum because he misses me. He's all over me hugging me and playing with my hair (which is a torturous kind  of love) , jumping, climbing, exploring all his environment.

  Now that I'm worried that he's hyperactive, jumping like a yoyo while laughing and screaming. I get upset as I see that as a sign of hyperactivity...I need to remind myself where Josiah was: he went from a completely subdued/sad baby to this jolly yoyo, and I can only say, Thank you Lord for thy goodness.

  This change didn't happen overnight, it's the Lord's goodness and renewed mercy everyday that we witness with Josiah's growth.

  Now our prayers are, Lord if it's thy will, open Josiah's lips so that he can praise thee among the nations. The bible says , "Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings thou hast perfected praise" (Matthew 21:6). So only God knows the praise going from Josiah's lips to His ears.

  So now that I'm thinking supplements, probiotics, DMG, vit B12 to bring on Josiah's speech..I humbly seek the Lord forgiveness in forgetting that He is the one who says to the thing be and it's done. .

  "Who alone doth wondrous things...blessed be the Lord"

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